Social Intelligence: A Look at Tamar and Judah

Social Intelligence is the application of knowledge in human interactions, in such a way that life does not shortchange you, while at the same time, you maintain your integrity, reputation, and good relationships.

1. It is not wisdom for someone to hit his head against a wall and then you suffer a headache for that person. Someone should not eat soured food and then you suffer diarrhea in his/her place.

2. Tamar, in my book, Prerogative of Mercy: The Principles of Tamar, became a two-time widow because of the wickedness of the men that married her.

The children of Judah were wicked; Tamar was innocent.

3. Don’t deliberately accept a bad name for what you are a victim of.

Tamar was the victim in this case.

4. When the goalpost keeps getting shifted, learn to position yourself in anticipation of where they will position the goalpost so that you can score.

Judah had hidden Shelah, the third son of his, though he had promised that he would marry Tamar when he grows up. There was an attempt to portray her as a husband killer, but she was innocent.

5. This is the most technical part of this case.

Tamar acted on and processed information. I suspect that she understood the sexual disposition of the father-in-law, Judah.

Since Judah was a widower and she a widow, there was no case of adultery if Judah willingly had sex with her. They were both technically unmarried.

Judah had the power of attorney to give Tamar in marriage and, by implication, raise children for the family. So, if he decided to have sex with her, thinking she was a prostitute, he had unknowingly granted himself the right to produce children for his own family.

Tamar knew that Judah must be sexually starved with the death of his wife. She knew that he would fall for the bait. I wonder her she packaged herself that a father-in-law could not identity his daughter-in-law.

There are people who only care about themselves and their interests. They don’t care who they mess up their lives.

Tamar refused to die as a widow in her father’s house after being messed up by the wickedness of Judah’s sons.

6. Tamar had been deceived once by Judah by hiding Shelah.

She did not want to be a victim again, so she needed an evidence to protect herself. If not for the evidence she had, she would have died as an innocent victim.

But She outsmarted Judah, and she fulfilled her purpose.

God was with her, if not why the safe delivery of the twins. Even God knew she had suffered enough innocently.

Out of Tamar, King David emerged.

Don’t be the masochist; don’t be a sadist; don’t be a willing victim. Be wise.

God Bless You.

Hold On To Your Vision

Your vision is the picture of your future conceived in your mind that you are ready to passionately pursue to a logical conclusion. All men can fantasize about tomorrow; few, however, are ready to confront the challenges that stand between the conception of a dream and it’s delivery into reality.

My father told me when I was about 10 years old that he wanted me to become a medical doctor. Between that pronouncement and its realization, 15 years later, stood several obstacles.

Uppermost was poverty; my father was a refuse collector in the local council at Warri, Delta State, Nigeria. We lived in a mud house with no electricity, pipe-borne water, toilet, or bathrooms.

When he retired in April 1973, he became a gateman in a hotel where my former schoolmates were lodged and they knew he was my father.

I could not afford a suit for matriculation, so I borrowed one. I borrowed the matriculation gown I wore. I had very few books to read, so I had to borrow books to read.

Despite several other challenges, I still graduated as a Medical Doctor and worked in the same hospital where my father used to gather refuse.

This book contains the ingredients to bake a great vision, and the mental and spiritual adhesives you need to hold on firmly to your vision.

God Bless You.

Get a copy here.

Maximising Moments: Rahab, the Prostitute

The book is based on the supremacy of the pursuit of the purpose of God over rules and prejudices.

God needed to send spies to Jericho; if a Harlot would best be used to meet that need, then, so be it. The experience, competence, character, capacity, and the content of her mind, however, were more important than her current trade.

The same way God turned the zeal of Judaism and the education of Saul to the propagation and defense of the gospel, so also, the management and negotiating skills of the prostitute were harnessed to save the spies and save her family. God can use anybody who is well-prepared and positioned to fulfill His purpose.

The book also sheds insight on positioning and purposeful re-branding as ingredients, and God’s mercy, in dealing with people.

Rahab, the Prostitute, was the great grandmother of Boaz, who married Ruth, another Gentile, from whom King David was born.

God can use anybody, anyhow, and anywhere.

How would your church committee have reacted if they were the ones who sent the spies and they came back and told them that it was a prostitute who hid them?

Can’t you see that you are not yet yielded enough to God’s purpose and directives?

There is more in this dynamite of a book.

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The Victory Mindset: Turning Your Captivity Around

From the moment a child is born, he/she gets to realize that life is a constant battle trying to overcome challenges.

Despite the fact that we have an omnipotent and an ever-graceful God and Father, it doesn’t take away the responsibility of overcoming these daily challenges.

One major misconception our Christian leaders have created, consciously or unconsciously, is that the Christian race/life is rosy and victory is always guaranteed by virtue of our association with the Kingdom of God. Biblical and modern life accounts of great men of faith have constantly proven that challenges and battles are an inevitable part of our walk with God.

Before Roger Bannister broke the four-minute mile barrier, medical experts and everyone else thought it was an impossible feat for the physiology of the human body. When it was broken, however, other people started breaking it more frequently.

It goes to show that it wasn’t just a physical race. It was a race that was more mental, and had a psychological precursor to it.

When that mindset is set right and overcome, the physical follows. So it is with every other endeavour.

God, by virtue of His nature, invested in every one of us potentials. The first step in achieving greatness is expressing such untapped potentials.

When they have been expressed, the next challenge involves developing them to the best of His expectations even from a state of ‘ground zero’.

God Bless You.

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The Philosophy of The Ant

The Ant is a very small creature, but it has a lifestyle that enables it to achieve great results.

That’s why the Bible says in Proverbs 6:6 that we should look at the Ant in order to gain wisdom.

One of the key principles of the Ant is the philosophy of gradualism and the cumulative results of little and persistent efforts.

The Philosophy of The Ant, as a book, reveals simple principles to grow your finances through savings and multiple small streams of income.

The principle of evangelism, like the Ant, is a very cost-effective way of church growth. The Ant builds its own house with inbuilt fungal gardens for winter; that is a deep insight into retirement plans during the summer of life.

It has sold several thousand copies because it is a very practical guide to self actualization. It is loaded with principles that will turn the rain drops of your life into an ocean of greatness.

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Power Of Passion: The Principles of Mary Magdalene

Life is governed by principles.

Things don’t just happen. The law of cause and effect states this clearly.

Every person that received a miracle never had a second mention of his/her contribution to the development of our faith in the scriptures.

Only Mary Magdalena did.

There are ten principles I found out that worked in her favour when the temperature of the heat of life reached the melting point. The Disciples of Christ had ‘structural faith failure’, but Mary Magdalene was propelled by a force called Passion.

This book details the ingredients of that force which draws the line between greatness and mediocrity.

What a great Book!

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Prerogative of Mercy: The Principles of Tamar

Mercy is from the Hebrew word ‘hesed’, which means to restore to a position such that it is as if what went wrong never did.

In several Nations, just as former President Obama did just before leaving office, offenders can have their sentences commuted or reduced. In some cases, condemned criminals are set free from death row.

When the purpose in the life of an individual is very strong and relevant to God and He sees a strong determination to actualize it, He uses His Sovereignty to overlook some rules and allows purpose to take precedence over law.

He did it with Ruth.

He suspended the law that prevented any descendant of a Moabitess from entering the temple of God until the 10th generation. But David was a king and a great grandson of Ruth. David entered the temple and ate the showbread when he was hungry and God ignored his breach of statute. In this book you will see it at play in the life of another great woman in the Bible.

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Lessons of My Early Life: Refined By Hardship

Someone rightly said that the secrets of great men are in their stories.

My life has been very unusual, but interesting.

I started writing this book in preparation for my 50th birthday celebrations. I can’t remember why, but I abandoned it until my son, Ufuoma Apoki, dug it up from somewhere. I tried to focus on some incidences in my life and the lessons I learnt from them. I tried, to the best of my ability, to recall some key events in my sixty-year journey so far.

I tried not to write about people, but I had to mention some inadvertently. I frankly do not feel bitter by any negative experience I experienced with any person or persons. Such experiences contributed to making a better person out of me. In fact, I thank God for such experiences.

I am not a rich man, but I consider myself as wealthy and self-actualized. I now understand why Nigerian politicians can say terrible things about someone and hobnob with the same person when they decamp to join that individual. They have attained self-actualization.

There are still lands to conquer, but God has blessed me with a unique grace, and I have scaled unusual mountains from deep valleys of life.

I tried to bring in a trace of history, fun, and wisdom to bear in this book, but most importantly, I have tried to share key lessons of life I learnt in my journey of life so far.

I believe that reading this book will transport you temporarily into my past and propel you to a great future for yourself. Most importantly, it will help you understand my understanding of myself. Sometimes, I wish I was a more normal person, but my unusualness is founded in my unusual background and experiences.

If you feel bad about the lessons of my life, I owe no apologies because two people hardly see life from the same lenses. I hope you find something you can apply to your life. They worked for me and I’m happy I passed this unique and personal road.

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The Oil of Marriage

Sex is like drinking ice-cold Coca-Cola on a hot sunny day from a well with a toothpick. You can’t get enough, and you can’t jump into the well; it will drown you. Sex never satisfies.

The average young or vibrant adult male thinks about sex several times every day. I don’t know of females.

However, Sigmund Freud once opined that most of human activity is centered on sex and aggression.

Christians are not expected to indulge in premarital sex, so how do they learn about sex while married.

I married as an unbeliever. I was a badly bad boy before I got married to a young naive lady. We had our several sexual challenges ranging from excessive sexual demand from me and reluctance from my wife, to premature ejaculation, loss of libido, and several others

These problems led me to write the Oil of Marriage.

It has sold thousands of copies, and it has blessed and healed thousands of marriages.

I present the Oil of Marriage to you a practical book of answers to many sexual issues in marriage.

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“Prerogative of Mercy” Giveaway

For all book lovers, “Prerogative of Mercy: The Principles of Tamar will be available on Amazon at a giveaway price of $0.00 for the next 72 hours. Get a copy. Other books will also be on promotions for a time period.


Other Books on Promotion


God Bless You.